In my mind there is a world

There are some things the middle child just doesn't need to know.

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 22:49:51 GMT

I am the middle one of 3 sisters, but I also have 3 older brothers making me the second to youngest. Out of my sisters I've I always be the more responsible and sensible one. I'm the only one to pass all my GCSE's, the only one with A-levels and the only one to go to uni. Now I don't want to think I'm taking any sort of high ground over my sisters because I'm not, in fact I'm fucking sick of it. It has made me the automatic dumping ground for all their shit and I've had enough.

My mum alienated all her friends when she separated from my Dad so now when she has a problem she calls me. I'm in the middle of my third and final year doing my dissertation. I struggle with stress enough as it so the last thing I need to know about is the fucking problems back home so I can sit in my room and worry my mind away hoping that everything is ok back home. It just isn't fair. It's not even like I can help either. I'm still a kid myself, and don't have the maturity, emotionally, to deal with the stuff.

Granted some of the stuff can be pretty minor sometimes but I'm a worrier by default and the smallest things stress me out.

Its just waring me down and I've HAD ENOUGH!

Long time no Post

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:17:40 GMT

Sheesh been a while. Seems my laziness has struck yet again. Well gonna have to see if I can remedy that.

Quick update for now. now in full swing of my 3rd year of uni. Deep joy. Also means I'm up to my eyeballs in dissertation work.

And christmas is quickly approaching and my 21st. I hate having my birthday this time of year. I really want to do something for my birthday but I'm going to have to juggle it between working and go home to my two different homes on two different sides of the country whilst coming back to chester to work. ARGH!!!

Also here are some pictures I had done at this Double Take thing in Manchester. One lot is from August and the other is from September.

August Pictures

September Pictures

Howrse

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 14:55:14 GMT

Because I have a sad lonely existence I have little else to do with my time then spend it on the internet. I spend a large majority of it either on gateworld or a website called Howrse.com. As I've always had a love for horses but never had the opportunity to have I get to kind of compensate with this. It's on online game where you breed, compete and care for horses.

There running a sponsorship contest at the moment, where players get people to join and get benefits for it. So I thought I would shamelessly plug it here because, lets face it, its nice to win things.

If you're interested simply follow this link
Then follow the instructions. When it comes to the sponsorship box my user should already be filled in.

Admittedly it is a little slow to begin with but it picks up after a while. If you do decide to join and need any help, drop me a line and I'll be more than happy to help. My user is the same there as it is here and gateworld. I'm easy to spot lol.

LOL I think by posting this I may have just reached a whole new level of sadness.

No doubt I'll be beaten anyway by all the cheaters that just makes multiple accounts.

OMG I can not believe I'm suppose to be 20 years old, is utterly ashamed. LOL

Wildlife Heritage Foundation

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 15:12:56 GMT

Ok well here are some pictures from my work placement a few weeks ago.

Kafara

Top to bottom: Tiny, Kafara, Manzi

Artur

Artem

Xizi

A Pallas Cat

Indy and Fraser (Indy is the tiger)

Ranschan

Of all times....

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 18:00:37 GMT

Of all times to get sick my body chooses now.

This has been the one week when I've been working during the week and wasn't able to because I'm ill. It's also the first time I've been properly ill whilst away from home. On top of that my house mates have now moved out so I'm home alone and I'm also in the process of moving rooms...and..... I'm all out of paracetamol and other helpful drugs and too poorly to go out and get more. Times like this I just want my mum to look after me.

It's that awful kind of illness too where you know your hungry and need to eat but you have absolutely zero appetite and zero energy to physically cook anything.

Plus Ernie needs cleaning out, and I'm supposed to be working tomorrow, not sure I'll be fit.

It started on monday and when I rang my mum on tuesday she assured me it would probably only last 48hrs. Clearly not true. It's friday and still going strong.

Life just isn't fair.

xx

PS lol check out the ever so nice emoticon thing for sick. lol.

Post to fill the void

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:21:27 GMT

I'm very aware I haven't posted for a while so this post can be a temporary gap filler. I wasn't able to post for 5 weeks as I was on my work placement which I will fill everyone in on later. Then after that I simply haven't mustered the energy to be bothered.

So to briefly update you all in the past 9 weeks I have:

gutted rabbits
stroked and had semi conversations with tigers, lions and leopards.
tried mussels for the first time
spent too much time around animal flesh then I care to mention
fell in even more love with cats and didn't want to say goodbye
decided that the WHF is the best place on the planet
got a new dog, a boxer by the name of jesse
got a bearded dragon (a desert dwelling lizard)
found out I have to do resits (booooo!!!! hissssss!!!!)

and is currently suffering withdrawal from supernatural

Lions and Tigers and.....

Fri, 18 Apr 2008 22:53:27 GMT

...Leopards...oh my

Squee!! Leave for my placement on Sunday so only Saturday stands in my way and my last day of work for 5 weeks (well paid work anyway). Started packing but no where near finished yet. First things to go in my case were my Stargate DVD's and Supernatural. Ain't leaving without them especially if there's a good chance I wont have internet down there. So excited!!!! Will have lots and lots of piccies when I get to share will y'all.

On other news the glasses are now returned to having two arms and stay on face now. They put a new screw in for me but in the process stole my cloth I use to clean them. Damn thieves. Also made a mental note that I need to book an appointment when I get back seen as I've had these ones for two years now and they've already fallen apart twice.

A downer the new episodes of supernatural air in America while I'm away and with no internet I won't be able to see them. No idea when they air other here, all I know is it's way to long to wait. *sulks* Will have to have daily marathon dvd sessions to make up for it.

Also further note, noticed I need to do some serious updating with regards to Kylie, not that I'm sure anyone really cares about my insane ranting but it feels good to vent. And it makes me giggle when I read it back yet scared at the same time that I might actually be nuts.

Bye bye for now,
See you in May
xx

Dude WTH!?!

Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:21:59 GMT

Good job I've finished my exams and I'm not working today. Woke up this morning, went to put my glasses on and the arm just fell right off. Luckily the screw was sitting next to it and hadn't fallen on the floor so now its just a matter of fixing it. Which will probably involve a trip to specsavers seen as I don't actually have any of those mini screwdrivers and even if I did wouldn't be able to see what I was doing anyway.

I'm convinced there must be a little gremlin or something that sneaks in and unscrews while I'm sleeping as they were perfectly fine last night. Its happened before and its quite annoying. Last time was a little more inconvenient however as I was about to head of to collectormania that morning.

So here I am typing away with wonky glasses balancing precariously on my nose. Don't think I'll have chance to get them fixed today so looks like a trip in to town is scheduled for tomorrow. Might see about getting some new ones whilst I'm there seen as I am due some new ones. Think a second pair would be a good idea too.

Whoop

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:18:25 GMT

Had my last exam of the year today, whoop. Pretty sure I may have failed most of them but oh well. Next stop work placement, so excited.

Also my Stargate dvds arrived today. Bit of a surprise as I wasn't expecting them till tomorrow. This a first for amazon to not only be on time but to be early. Luckily my house mates were in as I was at the exam at the time. The box is pretty impressive, just a shame that the discs aren't arranged in a more, well, ordered order. Little difficult to pick out where one season ends and another begins.

Really need to go food shopping but just can't be bother. Need to make the effort though, otherwise I am going to starve tonight.

New Doctor Who rant: Loved the new episode on saturday, was amazing, but whats going on with the new time slot. I don't even get to watch it because I don't finish work till 7. Its just not on, not on I tell you. Stupid musical shows making me miss it. Couldn't give two monkeys who the next Nancy is.

Argh Spending!!!

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 19:13:44 GMT

I am doomed to be eternally skint because I can't seem to stop buying things. Seriously need to get this under control before I leave uni and that lovely no interest overdraft no longer exists.

Bought the big SG-1 box set today with all 10 series in it off amazon. Loking forward to it coming and having a wee bit of a marathon but it was quite expensive, and I really didn't hesitate no where near enough considering the price tag. It would appear the concept of money and how much things cost has left me completely. lol.

Mind you not all bad, I mean might as well while I still can, not like I'm tied down with a mortgage or anything yet.

Anyways, enough of this. Not really been up to much other than awful exams that I'm sure I'm gonna fail and not getting the supervisor I wanted for my dissertation. Oh well. On the plus side I have my work placement in two weeks and I'm so excited, I can't wait.
weeeee

Pictures are worth a thousand words

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 17:55:10 GMT

Which is handy as 99% of the time I'm just too lazy to write anything.

Cats

Horses

Dragons

Unicorns

Me and Jayden

I gots a job, WOOT!

Fri, 08 Feb 2008 16:52:59 GMT

Woohoo, when for an interview on Tuesday for a part time job at New Look and they rang me today to let me know I got it.

This is my first ever ever job and I'm really chuffed. Of course it helps that I love shopping in New Look any way and now get 50% staff discount.
Oh I'm so excited, can't wait to start.

Only one problem. I'm up in the mens department which is also where the ladies shoes are, and I have a major weakness for shoes. Gonna end up with a new pair every week lol.

Reaseheath is fun again, yey!

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 18:54:24 GMT

Once a week as part of my course we go to an agricultural college near Nantwich called Reaseheath College. The lectures we have there are pretty average and nothing special but its the practicals that are truly special. We get to handle animals we wouldn't be able to anywhere else and is probably the highlight of the course. But recently it has gone down hill, we have been doing the same thing over and over again since September a year and a half ago. Now I have no problem with snakes and lizards but after the first few times it started to get a little tedious. But it appears they have finally stepped up their game, my gosh.

Today I got to hold a bird for the very first time. So you think they would start us off with something small like your average aviary bird or even a small owl, you know break us in gently. Nope, straight in with a Common Buzzard named Breeze. Was a little scary trying to remember the special knot we had just been taught to tie her to our glove but that was it. It was absolutely amazing and she was so beautiful. Next week apparently we will be flying some of the birds and I'm really looking forward to it. Its about time they gave us something new and exciting to do.

Amazing Reaseheath Firsts:

Wrestled with a sheep
Made like a human sheep dog and rounded those mothers up (lol)
Walked a cow (yes much like you walk a dog)
Watched piglets being born
Herded some pigs
Held lizards (bearded dragons and water dragons)
Held snakes
Fed a ring-tailed lemur
Fed baby snakes
Held various types newts and other amphibians
Held a poison arrow frog
Held a cockroach (ew)
Held a millipede
Held a Scorpion
Held a Tarantulas (Chili Rose)
Weighed and herded porcupines
Met a tapir
Met some giant African tortoises
Held a Gecko
Fed a Gecko (little nipper got my finger too by accident)
Held a Buzzard

Baby has arrived

Tue, 15 Jan 2008 18:41:30 GMT

My sister had her baby on Sunday. A little boy, now named Jayden Sean, weighing 6lb 13 ounces. He is adorable. She went into labour at 3am that morning and he was born a 10.42pm that evening. Thats a long time to be in pain. Everything went well and she and baby came home yesterday afternoon. He is so adorable.

Normally with my nephews they tend to cry when I hold them, but not this time, nope, he just slept.

Piccies

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/Jayden/101_0122.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/Jayden/101_0115.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/Jayden/101_0112.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/Jayden/101_0110.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/Jayden/101_0111.jpg

Party!!

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 17:29:04 GMT

Had a Christmas party last night and it was amazing. Granted the house was a tip afterwards but amazing none the less. I went as an angel as it was fancy dress and angels are christmassy (clearly not an actual word). Also had some birthday cake seen as its my birthday on Christmas and I'm not going to see my house-mates again till the 14th of January. It was so nice because I didn't know they were going to do it, such a nice surprise.

On a slightly more traumatic note, I nearly couldn't go to the party as I had a very weird spell earlier in the day. I got really dizzy and hot and couldn't even stand up. A bit of water, some chocolate and a nice chilly breeze and I was fine again a few minutes later. Only thing I can think of is that it must be something to do with my low blood pressure and maybe I had low blood sugars or something but it kinda freaked me out a bit.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/IMAG0065.jpg

xx

My Work Placement

Sun, 16 Dec 2007 01:42:00 GMT

Off to do my work placement in April for 5 weeks so I thought I would post a link to the website of the place I'll be working at. I'm so excited.

Link here

Also changed the layout a bit, still needs some work, like I forgot how I managed to put a picture at the top on my last one, oh well.

xx

Baby Arrival is Imminent

Sat, 15 Dec 2007 17:58:39 GMT

It dawned on me the other that although my wee sister isn't due till the 8th of January (a mere 3 and a bit weeks) the baby could actually arrive at any moment, which is very scary. Now I may have come to terms with my little sister being pregnant, but her being pregnant and her actually being a mum are two completely different things and I'm not sure if I'm actually ready to be an auntie again. But maybe that bit scarier is the fact that there is a good chance if she goes in to labour nearer the time that I'll be the only one in the house when the baby does decide to come. Will be interesting to see how I react. Now I imagine myself panicking but then again I could be a picture of calm. I just hope my mum manages to come and get her from work because I'm definitely not up for the task of actually delivering a baby.

In other news I'm on a mission to try and to keep my LJ up to date and maybe give it a new look, which I've no idea how to do. This plan might not work too well seen as I'll be going home soon which means zero internet access for a while but I will prevail.

Ooo, I managed to see the supernatural Xmas special this morning too, for lack of better words, it was awesome.

xx

Collectormania G-Mex 2007

Fri, 14 Dec 2007 17:24:14 GMT

Long time overdue but I've been busy and just not had the motivation to put this up. I'm gonna keep it brief seen as there are other things I need to get done too, like feeding myself.

Well this year did both days unlike last year and didn't go so early either. Didn't really do much on the Saturday other than wonder around for a bit and I bought a few Supernatural related items, however we were around when Jason Momoa was on a wonder and were at the stall next door when he was playing with light sabers. I must confess, I did have a bit of a fan girl moment even though Jason isn't even one of my favourites.

Sunday was a lot busier, we had to get a photo with Jason and one with James Marsters as well as fit in getting their autographs which was difficult considering the size of the queue for James. When we got there we were a bit panicked as we almost missed the Jason photos (stupid Sunday trams) but we made it, just, looking very wind swept. Managed to meet up with a few people who also frequent gateworld which was nice to actually meet them in person and also met up with Anna again who met there last year. It was good to see her again. Had a good chat with Alipeeps in the queue for James' photographs which like the one for his autograph was HUGE. James Marsters is such a sweet heart bless him, he was definitely the high light of the weekend.

I fear I have left the write up too late and can't really remember enough of the details to be accurate so I'm just gonna bang up the pictures and start crossing my fingers that maybe someone from Supernatural will be at the next one.

Jason Momoa, Me and my friend Louise
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/G-Mex%2006/jason.jpg

James Marsters and Me (I really do not remember him putting his hand my head at all)
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/G-Mex%2006/jamesm.jpg

Officially Depressed

Mon, 05 Nov 2007 18:50:40 GMT

Well as you may have guessed I'm not a happy bunny. Finally went to do a proper food shop to day seen as I haven't done yet since moving in. Piled my trolley high only to get to the check out and discover my bank card was no where to be seen. Luckily one of my house mates offered to pay for it for me and then I pay her back. Didn't think too much about just thought I had left it in my other bag from when I went out, got home, and you guessed it, IT WASN'T! This is first time I'd lost my card an seen as it is now two days after I last used I was really worried. I must have lost on a night out or something. Luckily I don't think anyone has used it and it is now canceled but I'm still fed up and really annoyed I lost it. Feeling the need to eat a lot of chocolate right now.

You're no friend of mine.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 19:39:39 GMT

Where, oh where do I begin.

Its been quite a while since I last posted and I have to say, to my own surprise, a lot has gone on since then. But to be honest I probably won't remember half of it while I'm typing this and miss it out completely but oh well.

O.k. well first of all I've enter an entirely new mind set I have to say and it may not be an entirely healthy one. Due to certain events at the end of my first year of university I have developed pretty much a fuck you attitude with regards to certain people who I don't exactly consider friends anymore. I'll not go into details because that would be bitchy and I'm a bigger person than that. I just don't see the point making effort to maintain friendships with people who clearly don't give a flying fuck about you or any person that is not themselves, it's just not what I need in my life anymore, sure I lose a couple friend but there more fish in the sea and a lot nicer ones at that.

Anyway, ended up doing a last minute dash in my last week to find somewhere to live this year because I was yet again actually relying on other people (how dare I be so stupid as to trust someone). But it worked out for the best as I'm staying with some awesome people this year and I get on with them really well, and "huz-zar" they are actually genuinely considerate people, talk about a system shock.

Then in august I got to go do my big cat experience (can't remember if I mentioned it yet) and it was absolutely amazing. I got to stroke a lion and had my fingers up in his mane and everything. Got to feed tigers, a cheetah and a couple of snow leopards. The snow leopards were amazing, when you put your hand flat on the bars they rubbed there head along it just like a normal cat does. One of them even licked my hand (maybe it thought it was lunch lol). Well I liked it so much there I'm going back in april to do my work placement. I'll have to remember to take lots of pictures and maybe steal a bit of lions mane because apparently domestic cats go mad for it.
(pictures posted below)

Ok well then there was obviously moving into my new house but I've kinda already mentioned that so there's no point going into it too much other than they are all awesome.

Halloween has rolled around again and it was amazing. This time we just had a house party and it rocked. Basically just involved us all getting really pissed, a few cheesy halloween tunes and lots of plain cheesy songs just for the hell of, and a very soggy dirty carpet in the morning lol. It was so good mostly because for me it was a lot cheaper than going out (except for the clothes shopping I had done earlier that day for the night but what do you expect Im a girl and I do have a thing for shoes) and it was just as fun if not more.

On a kinda weird note because its both good and bad. My sister is pregnant which is amazing, the bad side is she's only 17 and she's my little baby sister, so I feel incredibly bizarre about the whole thing. Mostly Im just praying for a niece at the moment, don't think I can cope with another nephew. lol.

Ooo, what else is there, oh well told you I would forget. lol. Oh well that will do for now I suppose.

(pictures below)

EDIT: I knew I missed something. Me and Louise are planning on going collectormania again so should be awesome. I asked Lianne if she wanted to come to but she's skint poor love, oh well. Joe Flanigan won't be there but Im not really bothered because there's some other cool people going like James Marsters (spike from buffy) and some others but im not going into it. xx

Halloween
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/n285200249_332329_859.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/n285200249_332325_7852.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/n285200249_332318_2191.jpg

Bday 06
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/bday6.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/bday5.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/bday1.jpg

Big Cat Experience
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/tiger.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/sls.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/sl.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/lion.jpg
http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/cheetah.jpg

xxx

Photo Album

Wed, 25 Apr 2007 16:08:36 GMT

So I was flipping through my photo album and I found the scariest thing. The pictures in it are only just over a year old but I couldnt believe how different I looked.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/fat.jpg

This was the picture I found. It was taken round about the time a first found out that I had PCOD (poly cystic ovary disease) hence why my complexion was so bad and the weight I had gained. Admittedly I've was never skinny before hand and when I put on weight I put it down to a recent trip to florida (you know, bigger portions). Thinking about it, it was a bit unlikely, I hadnt eaten that much. Learning that I had was a little bit scary. The doctors never tell you the full story and having lots of books on random stuff and the internet I like to look things up. I am after all my own worse enemy. You know cause its healthly to discover that pcod can also lead to cancer (not), nice one, not to mention the inferitility part. I am no where the near the age where I would consider having children but theres nothing worse than when you find that you may not ever be able to have your own naturally. The consolation that its only in one ovary is never quite enough.

I've been put on dianette, a form of contraceptive, which has helped with the sypmtoms, but the PCOD is still there. When I leave university I'll start on a hormone treatment that will hopefully fix the problem. The doc hasnt put me on sooner because basically it'll make me an emotional wreck, fun, fun, fun. Its either that or surgury. I'll take the emotional bomb please. Well anyway the pill im on is like a miracle drug. It helped me out so much and I've now lost about 3 stone and I'm the skinniest I've ever been but just right for my height. To top it off Im so much more comfortable with my self image and actually feel happy occasionly of the way I look.

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j90/kylieS21/bulgariame.jpg

Oh and also found out recently that I have low blood pressure which explains I nearly always seem to be getting up "too fast" and did actually pass out once. So it seems Im going for medical alements for this entry. Not sure why, just feeling the need to. So just to finish off, lol, yes I have one more. Im partially blind on my left as well as it being lazy, so I cant where contacts and laser surgury won't work. I dont get it, wheres myy miracle cure. lol

Easter Hols

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 13:17:44 GMT

Well that was crap. I didnt get a single easter egg, the world has gone mad. But its ok I got a book instead, NOT! A book does not equal and easter egg. I know I may be gettin a little too old for easter eggs but they could at least wean me off. Not of a fan of cold turkey. And then on top of that I spent most of the three weeks ill. No fun.

On the plus side I did get to spent a lot of time around horses and various cuddly baby animals. I went to my dads new GFs farm. She has 16 horses, like 30 rabbits plus babies, lambs, puppies, ducklings etc. I had a blast. She does pony trekking for tourists so I helped out with that and they also do a sought of petting zoo thing where you can feed the baby lambs and the hold the bunnies and stuff, its very cool. They were hand rearing a set of six baby rabbits as their mum had had a stroke and couldnt look after them. I so wanted to steal one. Very nearly brought one home with.

Back on the down side, my dad is probably going to end up moving in with her like he did the last two times, which means he's and extra hours drive away from us. Everytime he meets someone new he ends up further away. He already complains about his 5 hour round trip journey to come and pick us up so god knows what its be like when he's got nearly 7 hours to travel. Its just not fair. Parents suck.

But I refuse to end on a downer. If things do work out between him and Wendy there may be, possibly, one day a horse of my very own in the works. Now that would be very very very good.

WTF

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 22:22:12 GMT

WTF...how the hell do ya go from being perky to feeling like crap. Days going great and then all of sudden you have to cope with about a million shit things all at once. Some of them arent even that bad, but its just like the straw that broke the camels back kinda thing. I feel crap crap crap crap crappidy crap.......crap. All I wanna do is eat chocolate but I ate all while I was still feeling good. The big peeps upstairs clearly are not fan. Today kinda sucks

I Suck

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 20:35:07 GMT

I am the most stupid, self destructive person ever. I know exactly the right way to make my life that tiny bit more difficult than it already is. No matter how many times I tell myself Im gona get something done, finished and out of the way I always end up leaving it to the last minute. Or telling myself that I really need to revise for that exam in a few weeks. Ok so fair enough, I did do some revision but no where near as much as what I should have done. I basically send myself into an exam blind and its just so easily avoidable. I hate my lack of motivation, I literally have like non when it comes to things that will actually get me anywhere in life. Grrr....just sometimes I really hate being me. Why cant I be that person other there who knows exactly what to put in her answer to that question or didnt av to stay up till who knows what time finishing their assignment that they left till the last minute. Grrrr. Its stupid, coz i know Im not an idiot and I can be pretty smart when it comes to certain things, I just waste it. Any talent I may have ever had goes swirling down the pan all because "I cant be bothered right now, I'll do it later" and lets face it, "later" never actually really happens does it.

I've Lost it

Sun, 21 Jan 2007 19:38:30 GMT

Just a little something Im working on, wet ur appetite.

When the world is scourged with war she shall come forth. Out of the burning corpse she will arise and cleanse the earth of those that would seek to enthral it in darkness. Born of the unicorn and of the dragon and of the griffin, she shall rein justice on the earth. She will have power over the grave and over the cradle. All will challenge her, all will fail. She is life, she is death, she is war, and she is peace. Blessed with the power of the gods, she will come and will be known simply as…Illyria.

SHROUDED DESTINY

Chapter 1:

“I was not born on the Island and my birth parents do not share my unique genes. The place I would call home and the people I was to call family were located hundreds of miles away over land and ocean. Yet at a mere 18 months I somehow found myself there, whether it was through divine interventions or just a series of random events. It was the location of miraculous events, where I would later discover one of my biological parents, but most importantly it would be mine and my family’s home for hundreds of years.

“By the age of four I fell in love with dancing and combined with music it became my passion and soul. A hunger for learning and books would soon follow and I developed the art of hacking. It was because of this I would learn the beautiful irony that man had travelled to other planets in different solar systems, even in different galaxies but not to Earth’s own moon. Complicated formulae became easy, physics a natural rambling and foreign languages as easy as my first. This was then to be pushed aside by my need for the adrenaline rush. Playing sports, even extreme sports and taking on learning several martial arts methods. It turned out that playing football with hefty military men at the age of 14 onwards would be good life practice. As it happens, you never know when you might need to run away from someone bigger than you. It also turns out I’m good at running, I’ve spent most my life running, running away from one thing or another, whether that be commitment or the threat of impending death or unbearable pain. Unfortunately, I was never good at deciding whether now was the time run or the time to stay and fight. I always seemed to get it wrong.

“I remember the first time I fought, outside of practice, I remember the first time I killed somebody. I remember the sounds, the smell, his face, the look in his eyes. I remember the blood on the cold metal blade, how it slivered down my arm. I remember how hard it was to wash it off my clothes, my skin. It still hasn’t come off, I can still see it there, a chilling reminder of the first life I took. I was sixteen…SIXTEEN! No matter how many times they tell me it was self defence it’s not made it right. Even though it was, self defence, it didn’t make it right.

“I was stubborn. ‘Stay here’, my dad had said. He said that a lot to me. I never listened. I wanted to help, help them fight, instead of listening to the far off echo of my friends and family being hurt to protect me. I always thought he was being over cautious and over protective, I was so naive to the dangers out there, dangers that stalked me, that hungered for my blood.

“You see, you never think that when a parent tells you you’re special they mean it literally. My dad did. I had a sheltered up bringing on an island with 200 hundred or so military men. Nobody told me that people weren’t just born with tattoos; well that’s what they look like. Nobody told me they were pagan symbols that meant I was a freak, for lack of a better word. I’m destined to save the world from evil and to fight for justice. Do they have any idea what that can do to a sixteen year old. It was all too ‘Oh by the way, the fate of the world rests on your shoulders, good luck, ok?’

“When I was 18, I taught myself to drive, whilst beginning the process of building my own car, which turned out to be easier then expected. For some reason the thought of me owning, let alone being able to drive a car terrified not just my dad but the entire residency of the island. I came to realize that this was due to the fact that driving meant I could get away, far away. My independence scared them. Regardless to say, this fear may have had something to do with my already substantial criminal record. I had developed a bad habit. If people weren’t going to give me what I wanted, I would take it. This started off small, eventually escalating as I got older into grand theft auto and collecting rare diamonds that did not belong to me. A prison sentence and I devastating ultimatum from my current husband taught me the errors of my ways. Since then I made a substantial effort to make sure I could afford anything I would later want, or want to steal. After all, its not theft if you already owned it. I loved the challenge, the thrill, even if it was all too easy for someone like me.

“I married my first husband when I was 21; we divorced some 8 years later. In that time I had become a mother of four. For the first time in my life I had found my purpose. It was not that of a wife, but of a mother. The feeling that some how I could compensate for the bad I had done, for the lives I had taken. Creating life was my higher purpose, taking it would be a cross I would carry my entire life.

“I joined the military the year of my divorce and not exactly for the right reasons. I believed I was in love, and this was my way of getting to him. I was not a follower of rules, I did not like them nor would I ever. I would not let a rule get in the way of our love for each other. I married Will one year later. During which I became someone I had spent my life loathing: I became the man, a politician. Destiny had stepped in once again. Protecting the world was not enough, now I had to rule it. I brought peace to the earth and the people accepted me with open arms. The Spornish Council admittedly does most of the work, I am there for decoration or at least that was their original plan, I was their Queen Elizabeth to their Houses of Parliament so to speak. Like I said I don’t like being told what to do, I made sure that they knew that I was the one with the power and I knew how to use it. For some reason at this moment they chose to ignore my criminal record but would later use it against me with unwavering cruelty.

“I would be Mrs. Smith for another 40 years after my coronation, 10 years into our marriage. Someone else had stolen my heart and the 14 children and happy marriage I was leaving behind were not about to stop me.

“Over the years, the stresses and strains which came with my apparent destiny took there toll. The sadistic torturing of enemy forces and treachery from those closest to me and the ever present danger hit the hardest. Drugs and alcohol became my solution, my get away. Often I would race one of my many cars whilst under the influence, didn’t have much effect, I believed I was immune to the consequences of ‘normal’ people. This persisted well into my third marriage. Following suicide attempts and psychological breakdowns it was decided that I regularly attend sessions with a therapists and stop drinking. Nothing worked. It would be some time before anyone even knew I was taking drugs, when they did it had disastrous consequences. Sporns had been introduced to society many years ago. Somewhat similar to the goa’uld, they were parasites, only less evil. They exhibit no control over the host and their only benefit is the simple requirement to live. Due to this, a human’s life span was increased ten fold and many diseases and viruses wiped out. Unfortunately for me, when combined with my DNA it meant that trying to break any kind of addiction to substances such as coke would be life threatening, and life threatening it was. I had failed as a mother, as a wife, as a leader and as a daughter. I had let everyone around me down. I died.

“A.J., my then husband, spiralled into the same self destructive pattern as I had and a total of 24 children were left motherless. I, however, was finally free. Strange that it would take death for me to truly feel alive, my burdens finally lifted and my soul at peace. I was 150 when I died for the first time, oddly it would not be my last. 50 years later, life would come snatching at my heels like a rabid animal in search of food. The eternal right to rest in peace would not be mine; expelled from heaven back to earth, back to my hell. My duty to man kind was not yet over, I was not done yet and they were not about to let me rest. The war was not yet won.

“Who am I? I am the one whose duty it is to protect, to save and to heal. To take the life of those who would seek to hurt mankind. Whose duty it is to forsake all relations with those I love in place of humanity. I am the one who is forbidden from happiness. But I will find a way, I will love and I will be loved. Who am I? I am Illyria. I am Isis. I am Kylie .R. Clooney.”

“Where fiction becomes reality and nothing is impossible,

Where trust and faith are forgotten and love your only salvation,

Do you fight and risk losing it all,

Or do you live your life in peace at the risk of humanity,

Welcome to my world, welcome to my hell"

Kylie .S. Isis